She shook her head desperately and opened her lips to speak.
“Riftan is… d-different from that person. You won’t ever be miserable. I… I’ll be back right away. When I return… I won’t ever… leave again. Never… Never…”
“I’m already at the limit.” Max stiffened, staring at his numb face. His black eyes, like coals, swayed in pain. “Since I started wanting you… I always felt like I was standing over burning charcoal. Do you know what that is? Not being able to stop my feet from moving even for a moment. I can’t sit or stand. Keep running… I have to keep running. I can’t stop over a never-ending fire… I can’t rest even for a moment and I have to keep running.”
His voice had a faint whisper, as if it revealed the weariness on his back. Only then did Max notice that his face had become haggard in a few days. He ran his rough cheeks down with one hand.
“I… want to be free from that .”
“Riftan… I…”
Her lips were twitching, not knowing what to say. A reddish light filtering through the window cast a gloomy shadow on his face. And he opened his mouth again.
“If you go, I won’t wait for you anymore.”
“…”
“I’ll stop thinking about you. This time… I’ll stop. I’m going to quit making myself miserable.” Max’s mouth hung open in shock. He squeezed her forearm and uttered each word heavily. “Do you still want to go?”
It felt as if all the air had disappeared from her lungs. His dark eyes warned her that this would be the last time he would hold her. She hesitated and tried to back away, but he didn’t let go of her arm. Max’s lips twitched like a fish rising above water. Her heart was pounding loudly, and her throat tingled as if she had swallowed a shard of glass. Max grinded her teeth and repeated the same words like a parrot.
“I-I’ll come back. Whatever it takes… I’ll come back to you. S-so…”
All light disappeared from Riftan’s eyes. When she saw those bleak eyes, she couldn’t bring herself to speak anymore. He slowly released her arm.
“Right.”
Even though she tried to escape before, Max felt alone in cold snow when his hand was gone. His voice sounded empty like an echo.
“Then…go. To that place where you want to go…”
As if that was the end of the conversation, he stood up. She couldn’t move, it felt like she was paralyzed. Riftan walked over to the table and took a new glass. Max, who looked at him in frustration, got up quickly and reached for him in a hurry. Then Riftan stepped back and exclaimed fiercely.
“Don’t touch me!”
Max took a breath and stepped back. Shock blinded her. Riftan glared fiercely and roared like a wounded beast.
“If you touch me now, I will never let you go. Even if I have to lock you up, I will keep you by my side. You won’t like that…” Max instinctively backed away as he approached. Riftan whispered under his breath. “Get out of here this instance.”
“…….”
“Don’t even think that you’re leaving for my sake. I never wanted this. You’re… You’re leaving me for your own satisfaction.”
Max, who was standing as if she was nailed to the door, flinched, and turned around. Her legs were shaking. Each step she took was as difficult as if her flesh were being torn apart. She looked down at the elongated shadow under her feet, she wanted to look back, but couldn’t because she was scared. Max, who hesitated as she stood rigid in front of the door, quickly made her way to the dark corridor.
After going down a distance in the hallway, she suddenly heard a shattering sound behind her back. The loud noise that hit her eardrums made her shudder. Suddenly, her head went cold and she wondered what the hell he had done.
‘Have I gone crazy? How can I even think of leaving him? Even if I lose the whole world, I can’t lose him.’
Max turned around urgently. However, she didn’t even move as if her feet were fastened to the ground. The gut seemed to melt with the desire to return to him immediately and beg him to do what he wanted, but she could not take a step. She knew what she had to do. Not knowing what was holding her, she froze and trembled violently. Tears ran down her cheeks. Although it was so painful, she really had to go.
‘What in the world is holding my two feet back? I wanted to give up everything.’
But as her shoulders shook and she swallowed her tears, she turned around again. Every time she walked away from him, she felt as if something around her crumbled. She felt like a young bird breaking out of its egg. It was cold, she was desperate, scared, and sad. She bit her lips. A ray of sunlight from the setting sun painfully pierced her hazy vision blurred by tears. When she turned her head and looked at the glass window where the light was streaming in, Max took a step again.
Through the pain that seemed to split her body in half, she had to move forward… and forward again…
Note – LF: I understand Riftan’s pain, but dang he did such a sadboi thing ? The next chapter will be the last for book 1
Nymeria: Yeah I cried
