The conversation she had with her half-sister messed up her already chaotic mind. Max began questioning her thoughts. Looking back, everything felt uncertain. She questioned why she was so engrossed with Riftan, what was that made her this blinded. In a span of just over a year, Riftan turned her life around, making her have the will to live her life vigorously. In an instance, he became the reason for her to live. However, she wondered if that was normal. She thought maybe she blindly pursued him, like a newborn duckling closely chasing after its mother.
The moment those doubts entered her mind, the things that Max thought were clear to her, became a blur. She was no longer able to figure out the truth out of her chaotic mind. Now that she was back in this castle, looking back at everything felt doubtful: her life in Anatol, following along the expedition and even suffering in the middle of the battlefield all seemed like distorted memories. The cynicism that was etched deep in her stomach grew bigger and bigger as the days passed, it was as if it would come up to her throat.
“Miss, how about taking a short walk outside? The winds are not blowing harshly today, and the sun is warm in the garden.”
Max, who was deep in thought, lifted her head up at Joanna’s suggestion and the nanny then pulled the thick curtains, letting the silvery sunlight stream through the windows. It was that time in the morning, the only time of the day when the sun would seep into her room. She stared at the cold autumn sunlight for a moment then turned her head away weakly.
“I don’t really…want to go o-out.”
“Miss, have you seen how pale your face is? If you wouldn’t get any sunlight, your complexion would look just like a corpse. Please, breathe in fresh air to your heart’s content on a sunny day like today. If your health continues to deteriorate here, even if the miss’s husband does come, when he sees the lady looking like this, he might just turn his eyes away, shake his head, and leave.”
Her nanny’s lase sentence barely made her get out of bed. Even though she was doubting everything, it was still him who gave her a slither of will to live. Max wore a robe over the loose dress that had grown too big for her because of the enormous weight she lost during a short course of weeks. Joanna then accompanied her as she left her room. The annex was as quiet as a dead mouse. There were no traces of anyone else living in the huge, majestic annex, except for the five to six maids and a few guards assigned by the Duke of Croix to supervise the place: Max was aware of how the servants secretly referred to it as a place of exile. For generations, the Duke of Croix banished the meek women in the Croix family there, hiding them from the eyes of everyone else.
They descended the cold staircase and entered a courtyard full of fallen leaves. The red ivy that had grown on the wall gleamed white in the light, and the bushes that had not yet lost their green color fluttered against the gentle breeze. Max walked along the flowerbed and looked at the dried flowers. A few birds were hovering around, diving for a while on the ground, picking up flower seeds and pecking them. As she mindlessly watched the scene, her eyes caught the guards who were busily going to and from the road that led to the main castle.
Max became curious. On usual days, no one at this time would be approaching the annex. As she watched and wondered what might be going on, one of the guards spotted her in the garden and rushed over.
“The miss is not allowed to be outside. The duke ordered that the miss must not come out of the annex.”
Max’s face reddened at the guard, who treated her like a prisoner who went out of her cell. She knew that she was forbidden from going to the main castle without permission, but back when she lived here, she could at least take a walk around the garden outside the annex or even visit the library. As she stood still with a bewildered expression on her face, the guard spoke with a daunting voice.
“Please return to your room immediately.”
And then Joanna, who was fidgeting behind her, hurriedly grasped her by the elbow. “I will see to it that she gets back.”
Max felt helpless as she was forced to go back to her room, supported in her nanny’s arms like a young chick. Joanna claimed that she was the one who suggested for her to take a walk and didn’t know of the duke’s orders.
“That’s strange. I didn’t hear any orders about the miss being forbidden from even taking a walk in the gardens…” The nanny closed the door of her room and looked into her eyes. “Even though, his grace still sends out healers to the miss from time to time. It’s not that his grace does not cherish the miss. Please don’t get too upset.”
Max couldn’t even smile bitterly at the babysitter’s ridiculous words of comfort. The only reason why her father sent healers regularly was that if she died before Rosetta’s marriage, his plans would be ruined. Rosetta’s mother also died in the hospital, unable to bear a son. If Max died from her deteriorating health, the cause of it would be pointed out to her miscarriage and would conclude that Rosetta might suffer the same fate. No matter how much her sister’s dowry would be, her betrothal to the royal family would cease in an instant.
Max didn’t say her thoughts out loud and merely nodded to acknowledge the nanny’s words. She then took off her robe and handed it to the nanny, who folded it and placed it over her forearm. At that moment, something fell on the floor and made a rattling sound.
“Goodness me, that scared me. What is this…?”
Joanna bent down and picked it up. Max, who inadvertently turned her head, widened her eyes when she saw the blackened, dented shekel. She had placed it in a pocket inside her robe so as not to lose it again. Max quickly reached out her hand.
“Give i-it to me.”
The nanny blinked in surprise, looking back and forth between the coin the size of a fingernail and Max’s face. Then, she eventually handed it to her with a click of her tongue as if she found it strange.
“When the miss was a young child, she used to pick up pebbles and such to make flower crowns. However, the miss is now a grown woman. It’s not proper for a woman your age to still pick up such a piece of junk.”
“This is n-not…a p-piece of junk.”
“I see, if you say so.”
Joanna just lightly shook her head as went out of the room. Max looked down at the shekel in her hand. It was as if it was telling her that meeting Riftan and everything that happened after was all an undeniable reality. She stroked its rough surface and bit her lips silently. Her heart raced as she recalled what he said when he handed her the shekel.
‘I hope that nothing bad happens to you, may everything that falls upon you be all good.’
Max placed the shekel against her lips and her face twisted as she teared up. Her shoulders trembled uncontrollably. She realized how warped her feelings were, how hopelessly weak her consciousness was, all her new awareness came flooding in. Rosetta’s words were right. She didn’t believe anyone. She didn’t even believe in herself. All that she believed in was a hopeless future.
“Mi-miss!”
Hearing Joanna’s urgent voice, Max rushed to wipe the tears from her eyes. The nanny came rushing into her room exclaiming in such urgency as she pointed her finger towards the window.
“Something happened! I went and found out why the guards were acting as such a while ago. The Remdragon Knights have come to the castle!”
Max was not immediately able to comprehend the nanny’s words and blinked blankly. Joanna hurriedly drew the curtain windows and brought her to sit down on her bed.
“The miss’s husband asked his grace if he could see the miss. Usually, it isn’t that difficult for the guards to drive knights out of the castle.”
“Di-difficulty driving them out …?” Max repeated Joanna’s words questioningly. “You mean to say… Ri-Riftan is here right now to se-see me…but fa-father d-drove him out?”
“There’s no other choice. If he sees the miss now, he might demand a divorce this instance…” Joanna heaved a deep sigh as she looked with concern at Max’s ill-stricken face. “No man would like a woman when she appears in this condition. His grace has no other choice but to drive them out.”
Max’s eyes darted anxiously, wondering if Riftan really came there to demand a divorce. At least the nanny seemed to believe that. No. Everyone in the castle thought the same. The nanny glanced at the door as if she was afraid that Riftan would come barging in at any moment and then clasped Max’s hands.
“Fortunately, the season of rest is coming. As the days get colder, the miss’s husband will have no choice but to return to his estate. And then, he will not be able to return until the season changes. If we will be able to delay it until then, the second miss shall be able to marry, and his grace will probably be less adamant.”
The nanny softly patted Max’s arm as if to soothe a child and headed out of the room again. She opened her fist and looked down at the shekel drenched in cold sweat. Her heart trembled at the thought that Riftan was there. She bit her lip anxiously. She did not have the courage to face him, that was why she ran away and returned to the castle just as her father ordered her to do. But still, she couldn’t help her desire to see him. She shoved the coin into her clothes and looked through the curtains. She couldn’t see him from there. Perhaps, if she climbs somewhere high, she might be able to see him from a distance.
She hesitated for a moment, then pressed her mouth firmly together and put on a robe again. She really wanted to see with her own eyes that Riftan actually returned safely and uninjured. She looked around for a while through the small opening of the door and after making sure that no one was around, she carefully went out of her room. She was sure that no one would think that she would dare sneak out. And fortunately for her, the backdoor of the annex was left unguarded. She then hastened her steps.
The annex had a small backdoor that the servants used which led to a forest that was now dyed reddish brown in the autumn season. She hid among the trees as she went around the annex and headed for the main castle. Having been confined to her bed all this time, she felt dizzy just running through the woods for a little while, and her legs were shaking. Max took a breath behind the bush and slipped into the castle. Fortunately, she had gone unnoticed. Her eyes darted anxiously from side to side as she ran up the narrow stairs two steps at a time.
When she finally reached the fifth floor of the castle, she felt dizzy to the point of fainting. She gasped like an overworked mule and forced herself to climb up one more floor. And then, a wide arched terrace was unveiled before her eyes, with the full view of the duchy for her to see. Max staggered as she walked forward to the terrace. A flag embedded with the Croix insignia fluttered fiercely as it sat atop the castle tower. Beyond the castle’s thick walls that surrounded the entire manor, she saw the Remdragon Knights encamped in front of the gates.
Although he was so far away that it was difficult to recognize, Max found Riftan immediately. He was sitting on top of Talon as the dry wind blew fiercely. Her heart pounded as she watched his dark hair sway against the wind and the chaotic emotions that swirled inside her became clear. All Max wanted at this moment was to see him up close. Even if he didn’t want her anymore, if she could only be in his arms just one more time, she might be able to withstand everything.
Max was swept away by a pounding impulse and turned around. Just as she was about to run down the stairs, someone grabbed her by the arm and she let out a scream: it was one of the knights who served her father, he was glaring at her with a stern expression.
“Didn’t the duke say that the miss is not allowed to leave her room?”
“L-let me go.”
He ignored her request and took her down the stairs. “The duke was angry to the tip of his head when he found out that the young miss had disappeared from her room.”
He said in an annoyed tone as he dragged her. When the knight turned to a hall located on the 4th floor, he sighed. Max began to tremble in fear.
“I was j-just… trying to see my husband’s f-face from a distance! I-I will go ba-back to my room! Please… let this slide for o-once.”
“His grace ordered for the miss to be taken straight to him once she is found. I must obey his orders.”
The knight replied bluntly and continued to stride forward. Max struggled to get out of his grip. However, as she was weaker, there was no way she could break the firmness of a trained knight’s arm. Immediately, he dragged her into the corner room at the end of the hall. Max looked around with a terrified expression on her face. Mirrors and chairs lined one side of the wall as well as various types of horse whips that hung from the display stand caught her eyes. It felt like her stomach was twisting into knots. She desperately grabbed the arm of the knight who was just about to leave the room.
“I really won’t… go out from now on! I s-swear! Please let me g-go.”
The knight sighed and gently removed her hand. “The miss should have then obeyed her father’s orders earlier. The miss is well-aware of how strict the duke is, why on earth did the miss act like this?”
The knight then turned around and went out of the room. Max groaned as she heard the sound of the door’s lock turning and hurriedly pulled and twisted on the doorknob. However, no matter how much she twisted and pulled, the door was firmly closed to no avail. Her legs then began to tremble. She collapsed helpless on the floor, looking between the mirrors and the whip with a terrified expression. Her reflection on the mirror seemed to sneer at her, telling her that she knew what kind of punishment she would meet.
What in the hell was she so afraid of that she came here to this hell with her own two feet? Was she really so afraid that she would be abandoned by him? Did she really believe that Riftan would treat her worse than her own father? Max hugged her knees. Even if that was the case, it would have been better for her to run somewhere far away rather than come back to this place. She was no different from a lamb being pulled by a leash to a slaughterhouse. She sobbed uncontrollably, overwhelmed by shame.
Time went by and the sky began to darken to a lavender color when the duke finally opened the door and entered. Max was startled and stood up from the floor. Her father walked across the room and arrogantly raised his chin.
“I’ve been patient with you for a long time.” It was a voice so cold that her spine shivered. “There was only one thing that I’ve asked of you. To behave just like a dead mouse. Is that so hard of a request to fulfill?”
“I j-just… wanted to see his face fr-from afar. I wasn’t disobeying father’s orders…”
“Did I permit you to open your mouth?”
The Duke struck the floor violently with his cane. Max immediately clamped her mouth closed as he glared at her with enraged eyes and spoke sarcastically.
“That bastard has completely ruined 20 years of my upbringing of you.” The duke grunted as he clenched his cane with both of his hands. “Well, no wonder. You’ve been living with an uncultured idiot who has no regard for social class, it’s only natural that some boorish manners would rub onto you.”
Max, who had her eyes glued on the floor, couldn’t help but lift her pale face. How could her father say such mockery against Riftan? 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.𝘤𝘰𝘮
“Riftan… went to wa-war on behalf of fa-father and suffered all kinds of hardships. The least father could do… is not to speak of him tha-that way…”
Before Max could even finish her words, his cane came crashing towards her with a violent strike. She collapsed on the floor, light flashing in her eyes as it hit her. No scream could come out from the imminent pain that seemed to cut through her bones. Her vision blurred and her temples felt hot like it was on fire. She wrapped her head in fear and looked at the Duke of Croix with eyes of horror. The Duke breathed wildly in anger and spat out his sentence word per word.
“How dare you, who are you mocking with that mouth?”
As if his anger was still not released, he raised his cane once more and stuck her on her shoulder. Max’s whole body twisted as the pain reached her bones. With only two strikes, the Duke of Croix trampled all over her entire rebellion. Max’s cold, shaking hands flew down to touch the floor as her whole body collapsed and trembled. The duke then grabbed her by the hair and pulled it tightly.
“If you wish to say anything, talk properly. Don’t stammer like a f*cking freak so I can understand what you say!” Max’s lips trembled. The duke grabbed her by the chin as he swore harshly at her face. “Now, this time you may open your mouth. If you have anything else you want to say, say it. And my goodness, speak at least one word out clearly!”
“I’m so-so-sorr…”
Max’s teeth rattled uncontrollably as she desperately tried to move her stiff tongue. In her effort to speak, she bit her tongue and blood came gushing out of her lips. A clear look of contempt flashed in his father’s eyes as he looked down at her. He then harshly pushed her away and walked forebodingly towards where the whips were and picked up one of them. Max could only look at him helplessly. Although she wasn’t tied up, she couldn’t seem to take a single step to escape. And then, his father ordered her in a cold voice.
“Turn around and remove your clothes.”
“….”
“If you don’t obey me right at this moment and cause any delay, your punishment will increase by the second.”
Max turned around. With her stiff, trembling hands, she took off her robe and pulled her dress down. As her bare skin was revealed, the duke approached from behind her. She could clearly see him raising his arm that was holding the whip. Max tightly bit the hem of the dress that she was gripping against her chest. Soon after, the violent beatings began. It felt as if her skin was being chopped finely by a sharp knife. Every time the strike hit her back a shocking pain seemed to split her body, she felt like the most insignificant living thing in the whole world. With every beating that landed on her, she was on the edge of throwing what’s left of her pride and begging for forgiveness.
Max knelt, her body crouched, curled against the cold stone floor, barely enduring the pain. And when she instinctively crawled on the floor to avoid the beatings, the sound of his father’s furious curses echoed loudly in the room. However, not one word that entered her ears was comprehended. She wrapped her head and cried. At that moment, the whipping suddenly stopped. Max couldn’t even think to raise her head as she groaned in pain and gasped like a labored animal. At that moment, a chilling voice resounded in her ears.
“Now… what are you doing?”
Max felt her throat tighten; she slowly lifted her head. Riftan grabbed the hand of the duke and looked down at her as if he could not comprehend what he was seeing unfold before him.
Note – LF: RIFTAAAAAAAAAAAN *cue the cat calling in the mountains* You may now raise all your chairs in unison.
Nymeria: MY CHAIR IS UP IN THE AIR MA’AM
